“We’re happy, free, confused and lonely in the best way.”
And it’s okay.
I turned 22 today and unfortunately, my birthday falls on our finals week. The past few weeks had been draining because I ventured in a lot of side hustles aside from being a full-time student. It’s kind of overwhelming. I do get confused from going after so many things in life. But, that is the best way I know how to live my life as of the moment.
It started when I cannot even decide what course to take in college, leaving me to take a double-degree program. When I got bored of just studying, I prepared and took an exam to be a financial adviser, the job that I haven’t even utilized yet because you know, time. Currently, I have a part-time tutoring job, in which ignited my passion to teach. I also started doing small businesses. It’s quite a load, and they don’t even relate to each other. Sometimes, when I ask myself what would I focus on, I cannot even choose. Right now, I enjoy the excitement of trying new things, with high hopes of thriving in it.
When I was in high school, I knew exactly what I want. I used to have a timeline: get the CPA title by 21, be a lawyer by 26, get married and have two kids before I turn 30. Sounds a bit unrealistic, but that was feasible for me before. Now, all of those seemed like far-fetched goals. I am 22 years old and I am still a year away from graduating in LIM-BSA. I want to work overseas, so lawschool is still a puzzle. Definitely, not yet for marriage. But, I am happy where I am now. I realized that our priorities change as we grow older. I learned to balance firmness and flexibility along the way. Firm to still achieve my CPA dreams, yet flexible enough to try side hustles.
I veered away from that timeline, maybe because life for me did not always turn out the way I wanted it to be. I lost my mom early on. I got rejected from opportunites. I was disappointed by people. I had moments of weakness and I even failed. So what’s the purpose of keeping everything at point, a life with precisement and control? Life will always surprise you anyway. I learned the hard way that nothing is certain, and that’s the reality that we have to face everyday.
When you live your life like nothing is certain, you will learn to value what you have in the present. Even if achieving my dreams is a bit delayed from my original timeline, I am not regretting anything. There is nothing wrong to be frustrated about taking time to actually figure out what you really want, than rushing into something out of pressure. I do not want to settle in a carreer or life in which I have hesitations, because I know that I will never be happy in it. I am trying to prioritize what my heart desires in every decisions I make, that is living life without regrets for me.
In the world of uncertainty, I am grateful for those who do not give up on me. I value all those people in my life who understand, choose to stay and continue to always be there. They give my life light and happiness.
After this year, I will never be 22 again (I waited for this year since Taylor Swift released that song lol). We are not the same person as who we are yesterday. So why not make today count?
The purpose of life is to be defeated of greater and greater things. — Rainer Rilke (Yes, watch Bar Boys! one of the best)
Go out there, live boldly and take risks. It is alright to veer away from the goal sometimes — to have fun or to consider other passions, it really depends on your priorities. The experiences that we will get from trying those will not be achieved if we are just staying in our comfort zone. Have the courage today to rekindle with an old hobby, apply on a part-time job, go out on a date, anything… we will never know what is out there unless you take the risk. Just start. Do something today that your future self will be thankful for.
February 10, 2021.